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"Mr. Campbell, would you sign my clitoris?"

Bruce Campbell: You're the first Brandon I've had today. Usually there are dozens of them at these things.

Me: Yeah, well. I was Brandon before it was cool.

Bruce Campbell laughs.

Scene.
It was cool to meet Bruce Campbell, even though that really was the extent of my interaction with him while he signed my book. (He signed it "Hey Brandon! - Bruce Campbell.") His introduction to his new movie The Man With The Screaming Brain was quite funny. "Do you know why the Sci-Fi Channel films all their movies in Bulgaria? ("Because it's cheap!") No, because it's fucking cheap!"

The movie was also quite funny. And bad. Not a good movie. Intentionally bad, though. "Okay, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But we're stuck with each other. And we need to work together if we're going to get the woman who killed us both!"

There was one scene that was a metaphor for the whole thing. What do you call a three-car pile-up between an old van, a tiny European compact, and a purple motorscooter, with Bruce Campbell pinned underneath? In Bulgaria?

And it had Ted Raimi rapping. In a Russian accent!!

(I was Brandon before it was cool. Then the whole thing got so mainstream, and now all the Brandons you see around are usually just jerks and posers. They've got no sense of the history and no sense of the scene. They don't know what it was like to be there in the early days, when it was just me and one other Brandon in the whole of the 2nd grade.)